What do you want to be when you grow up? Well, if you want to be that you have to work hard. If you work hard you will get what you want out of life.
Growing up we all probably heard this, and my oh my did we ever think they were right? I did, I believed every last word. I believed that what I wanted to be was what I was going to become. I had a dream and no one could take that away or so I thought.
At 12 my dream was to be a successful dentist. I was going to marry after I obtained my 4 year degree. Have 4 kids by the time I was 32. To remain in Pocatello until I got into school. Yet, something happened. I hit a glass wall.
I didn't understand why was this wall here? I did everything right. I went to college focused on working hard to get myself through school. I started my own cleaning business at 16. I worked 3-4 jobs a semester while going to school full time. I was not a perfect student because I never had time. Friends, family, school, work, some rare occasions boyfriends. There was never enough time. This wall was not part of the plan. I was so angry upset. Now, I believe fate ran its course.
There was never a doubt in my mind on a career change. I was going to be a dentist and that was that. At least, I thought that was that. Once I got in my 4th year of college I started doubting myself and I could not figure out why. Deep down I knew but I never wanted to admit it. I had been living on this 12 year old dream of mine. The more I told people the more it became a Scarlet Letter to me.
"Oh this is my daughter Desi she is going to be a dentist"
"I heard you want to be a dentist"
"My friend is going to be a dentist"
"You still planning on going to dental school?"
It was my identity. I never knew it was a cover up.
My favorite professor told me take a break between graduation and my next step in life. He told me self revelation is incredible and everyone needs it. Plus we all need a break. For my year off I was planning on working in Poky, going about with my house cleaning and T.J. Maxx and applying for dental school. Unexpectedly my plans changed. Within 2 weeks, I went from going about my daily duties to packing up everything I owned to move to New York.
Moving to New York was never part of the plan. I graduated I wasn't married. Where was my life heading? Maybe I will me a husband in New York... can we just take a moment of silence... ya that never happened. As you know I am still single as can be. Anyway back to New York. In a matter of 2 weeks my life changed I didn't know why and it was in a way frustrating. I knew as I went along I would figure it out.
Moving to New York was so hard for me. I had no friends (well I had Ben and Andrea who were amazing and helped me out so much). It was the first time I ever had to start over. It was a culture shock. People were so mean. I got stopped on the streets by weird people all the time asking me for money. I was scared. I was not at home and it terrified me. I was depressed. I was lost. I was so lost and it scared me. I felt the most alone I had ever felt. I was in a black box surrounded by this world I didn't belong to waiting for something to get me out. With time I started to break out but it wasn't until I discovered my own personal Scarlet Letter.
I studied I worked hard to get into dental school. My plans didn't work out. I was so frustrated. What could I have done differently? I don't have another plan this is all I want to do. Why was this happening to me? I am not naturally smart I have to work hard. Everyday I feel like I have to work harder than most because school is not easy for me. Why do things come so easy to others yet for me they just don't work out?
I could not stop asking why why why. One night I feel to my knees begging Heavenly Father for answers to my whys when I realized I was wrong. I remember a lesson a seminary teacher gave one time it is not about asking why it is about asking what can I do next? Why is complaining, what is taking a step forward in asking for help. So that is what I did I asked what can I do next?
I started thinking and looking into different programs and it hit me. Dental was something that interested me but it was something people were just expecting from me so I went along with it. It was expected it was my badge, soon to be dentist Scarlet Letter. I knew I wanted to do something else but I was so afraid of disappointing everyone that I could not admit it. I realized I wanted a different path and it was time to start taking action.
I have made my first step in progressing to become a Radiology Assistant or a Physician Assistant. I don't know where my life will guide me in getting to that point, but I know right now I feel at peace with my decision. I was not guided here by accident. I don't know why I am in Atlanta right now but I know God has a perfect plan for me as long as I put my trust in him and do all I can to become more like him I will go exactly where I need to.
Next time we go to ask a kid what they want to be when they grow up why don't we ask what do you want out of life when you grow up? Remember work hard to succeed in what will make you the happiest. Life is never what you expect. Some people do grow up and become exactly what you want but I don't think it is ever what they plan it out to be. We have to stop planning our lives to be perfect and start making ourselves more perfect in God's eyes and he will make our plan perfect.
We all should want to be one thing when we grow up and that is happy. To find joy in life is when you know you have done things right.
As a good man once said "life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you're going to get" Forrest Gump.
