Holding it together

Luscious red, soft pink, astounding yellow, delicate petals.  Petals containing a soft velvety texture. Aroma like no other. A flower beyond compare, a rose. Roses bring emotion, feeling, memories, and so much more.  These beautiful flowers can show love, compassion, sorrow, just about every emotion out there. There is something amazing about this flower. It is so delicate and tender it holds beauty if handled wrong the flower will slowly loose it petals. The petals, the solo things that make this beauty exist  Yet these flowers have their own way of protecting its beauty from the things that can destroy it. There is strength within this flower it is not within the petals, but within the stem. Strong, sharp, skin tearing, thorns. These thorns are protective barriers on the outside. They will keep those away that are not careful around them. This is a flower that builds walls around it so those who come within a close distance can't hurt it. Hurt the heart of the flower. If the person desiring the rose is careful it can cut thorns off the rose to get even closer cherish the beauty of the rose even more personally. Yet the beholder is not always as careful as the rose may want. Sometimes all the beholder wants is to see the flower than rid of it as it feels no connection to the beauty which it can not feel. The beholder will hurt the flower the flower can not be rebuilt or replanted to make the flower whole again. Then again is the beauty of the rose in the petals... Or is it within the rose bush itself. I believe that there is an outer beauty we can all see but the true beauty is within the rose bush itself. You see a rose bush is amazing in the damage that can be done to it. The beauty that we all see is cut off to make our affection complete. Yet, this rose bush keeps growing through the damage done unto it. It survives the hot weather the cold weather. It survives being cut down and grows back bigger and stronger. 

This is how I feel like we need to be. I know we all have an outer beauty that people can see whether it be what we look like or how they perceive us. They will draw us in close they will use our beauty how they desire and they will use us for good or they will just use us and hurt us. Every rose cut off every wall broken down can be replaced with a new rose. It takes time but we can bring ourselves back to the beauty we contain inside of us. Sometimes we get weak and we don't think we will make it but we have to think of how much stronger we can be if we keep growing. Being cut down can make us stronger. Our cuts our scars make us beautiful. One day we will find someone to take care of our pain that others have caused. But there will always be people who will hurt us in life. But we will also hurt people and cut them. We just have to try and do better to be better people and watch out for those who we hurt. Maybe one day it will keep someone from hurting us. But for now lets just try to cut back our thorns that hurt others and only keep the ones that protect us from being hurt. Life is painful sometimes but if we dig our roots deep stay true and strong to who we are we can hold it all together. :) Live beautifully!!!! 

Healing wounds.

Today I was really impressed with church. It really stuck a light bulb in my head. The speakers talked about faith. When we feel like there is no hope we keep going because we have a hope a glimmer of faith that things can get better. We don't know they will get better but we can have faith we will. But if we don't exercise our faith we will never have hope that things can get better. We don't know how things work. The example that is often used is not all of us understand how lights work but we have faith that when we flip the switch that the light will turn on. But if we don't exercise the faith the light will remain off.
I realize that I have to exercise my faith. Especially now to me it feels like things are not going the way I want them to. Life is not what I had planned it to be at this moment. Life doesn't get easier but it does get better. I have learned through faith I know my Heavenly Father will guide me to a great plan that I can't see. I need to exercise my faith to find the light switch that he has provided for me. I know that there will be light to come. It may dim it may flicker it may burn out but if I give up I will not find it.
I have been close to giving up completely. But something always stopped me the hope that things will get better. How grateful I am for the knowledge of my Heavenly Father without it I know I would have gave up and I probably would have no hope that things can get better. Every time I have gone through struggles just the knowledge that there is a greater perfect Father in Heaven waiting for me to succeed. But if it was easy it wouldn't be life. In fact it would be kind of boring. I think trials help us to find commonality in our fellow society. There will be people with similar struggles we have to learn to seek to find ways to deal with our difficult times. I know my trials are small compared to those around me I know I will be facing tsunamis crashing trials in the future and these little waves are getting me prepared for what is to come.
I have often wondered if people are placed in our lives so we can see their trials and learn from them. I know we were placed in life without a mistake.
I feel like I am weak. I have been hurt. The pain is temporary yet it is real. I know it I have felt it I am living it. I have been trying to hide it but I can't. This blog is me releasing the frustration which is pounding to get out of me. I am not trying to complain because I know this is one of many trying times that will crack my heart make my tummy spin and make my appetite light.I know with time things will get easier but for now I have to bear this painful little speed bump. I know there is a lesson to learn from this. I don't know what it is yet but I faith I will learn if I keep persisting forward. Right now I will bear my pain inside and with these words but I will try to look forward and move on. I have no idea where this will lead me but I am preparing myself to move forward. Because like one of my favorite quotes states. "When one door of happiness closes another one is opened for us, but sometimes we look so long the other way that we do not see the door that has been opened for us." I will go forward.
My lovely friend Lisa gave me a beautiful spreading joy card to let me know that she is always there. This is the quote she left for me.
"Sometimes the strongest people are people who love beyond all faults, cry behind closed doors and fight battles nobody knows about."
The quote we always write to each other is "you is kind, you is smart, you is important"
I know she was placed in my life to help me through thick and thin and I am so grateful for the other people the Lord has so kindly let come into my life to better improve it. I know I will have people who will make my life difficult and not pleasant but I know I will have to be careful of who I let break down my walls so I can protect myself and protect those around me but I have to find a good happy medium so I don't keep those people out that can better my day.
The quote I came up with in church today "Tender skin cut with diamonds,washed away with salty rain. Slowly time heals the physical pain. Scars remind you of what was and how strong you CAN be."
Life gets better but it does not get easier. <3

Trying times coming ashore

It is amazing to me the human need for love for finding someone that we can completely be ourselves around without a worry or care in the world. It amazes me how on this journey we will completely give up everything forget those around us and become defensive to keep what we want to work. Although if it is real we shouldn't have to put our defenses up. We should never have to question if the one we love loves us, if not equally, more. We will put ourselves out there let them tear down our brick walls to climb over. It is when we open ourselves up let others in and then get hurt by them we build our walls thicker and stronger. Using more mortar to keep our walls together so we will not get hurt the next time. Yet, we do over and over and over again. Because once something has been broken it is hard to piece it back together the more it breaks the harder it is to put back together.
We should never feel like a piece of worthless prey. As the hawk looks for the best prize choosing which snake is the best. A bad hawk will look for the snakes put them in a pile search for the one he thinks is the best and let the others suffer as they die from the wounds that the talons cut into them. They will be hurt and give up. A good hawk will keep its eyes open looking for what he thinks is the best prey he will choose his pray wisely and get what he wants fight for what he wants and choose his prey with good intentions of feeding his soul. The difference is one wastes and the other one selectively chooses even if it means fighting for what he wants.
Every single person deserves to find that person that will knock down buildings, jump over fences, kick down doors just to be with you. There is a point when you have to realize what the difference between lust, liking  physical attraction, and true love is. Sometimes we will be hurt in the process but we have to know what it is like to be hurt so we can know what it is like to be healed.
I personally do not know if one can ever truely take away that pain and those cracks but I can imagine someone can mend them and make them feel better and fill in the pain with the love they will devote to you. The pain is there to help you grow and learn. The road getting to this point is not fun. It is not a smooth road it has bumps, turns, potholes, ice, roundabouts, stop signs, yield signs, and loop de loops. The memories are not what maters but the journey getting to there is.
I believe when you can totally submerge yourself into getting to know someone have them know your vulnerabilities, your fears, your deepest secrets and know for a fact that no judgement will be forced upon you because you are all that matters is that moment when you should realize you are loved. I have never been healed with someones love. I hope one day it will happen but I know for a fact that good things will come if I am patient and hold out for someone who wants to be with me and can't live without me.
Another thing I have learned. Is you will never know someones pain unless you have experienced something similar. We can go through saying I am sorry but until we have been there all we can be is a sympathizer. Even then we can not make the experiences go away we can't make the pain go away because that is their choice to decide what they want to do from their they have a fork in the road and they have to decide which way to take. Either a dark way or a positive way. Sometimes it may feel like we are in a dark small space with no cracks of hope but we may be looking in the wrong direction. Or thinking there is no hope for us. But I believe the latter to be false. I believe there is always hope always a better way because learning from our small trials can help us overcome great trials. Because we will learn that small bumps in the road can help prepare us for those holes in the road. It can help us to grow, expand, and help others to understand that you have been there too. That their road is not to different from yours.
I know we are given choices and experiences to help us to determine what type of people we want to become. I know that we have been given these choices ever since we were wee lil lads. I know that who we are today is who we are because we made these choices. I know I have personally not made the best choices. I have had to learn from my mistakes and I have had to learn from the trials I face on a day to day basis. I am not perfect I am learning. I have pain, heartache, happiness, but I know that this is all creating me to be a better, stronger, happier me.
I hope people can realize when times get rough its not the end it may seem like it but its not. Good things are about to come ashore. Unless we are choosing bad roads on purpose. make the best choices you can and know good things will come from it. We are human we make mistakes but learning from them is what makes us better.